Last day at work of the year. Here till 3pm - if head cold doesn't drive me out earlier.
Looking at some stats of various universities - we score extremely highly on ebook segement downloads.
Some disappointment being expressed that our Christmas tree was removed yesterday.
Spam email now arriving faster than work email which is kind of good.
Have finished all the jobs I really wanted to do before the break so now on tidying up and more 'fun' things.
Just in case I can't be bothered to post anything until the new year - have a great Christmas and a happy New Year!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Yesterday reminded me about the importance of feedback. I maybe a sucker for encouragement feedback but it's surprising how much I thrive on it and find I need it even.
I've written here about my efforts to write haiku and to write Traveller material. It's not been a bad year for occasionally having haiku published and it's been an astonishing year for the amount I've both written (I wrote here before about why I think I've been more inspired) and also had published in the Traveller universe.
Until a couple of months ago that was when things seemed to dry up. Not quite sure why.
When things were being published - nearly instantly sometimes - it was sufficient feedback in itself. Acceptance emails or other commentary isn't generally a feature of any of the three editors I submit to (although one responds to queries very helpfully). But if the piece in question is published, it's not particularly a problem.
The difficulty comes when submissions aren't being used.
Is it just not good enough?
Are there just too many other good articles?
Does the editor want to balance content? Authorship?
Have I done something to offend?!
It would appear I can discount #3 above as some journal issues have only articles by one author and/or on one subject.
Difficult to think of anything I might have done on #4.
And it's hard to see much difference in quality in what I've contributed which would rule out #1
I shall optimistically hope for #2 and see if the new year brings any change.
Perhaps I'm just overly sensitive as one of the submissions was my first attempt at a fully fledged adventure. All 7000 words of it, with pictures (and even a fake bibliography!). What's worse is that I sent it for comment to an acquaintance who I'd also sent some physical books to - and he seems to have dropped off the face of the planet!
It's interesting comparing the above with the world of haiku where editors are pretty good at the whole acceptance/rejection thing - so at least you know where you stand. On good days, you might even get commentary on why something was rejected which can be really useful.
Good feedback is exceedingly hard to do. Being critical but not demoralising is a fine line to tread and my hat's off to the editors who manage it.
I've written here about my efforts to write haiku and to write Traveller material. It's not been a bad year for occasionally having haiku published and it's been an astonishing year for the amount I've both written (I wrote here before about why I think I've been more inspired) and also had published in the Traveller universe.
Until a couple of months ago that was when things seemed to dry up. Not quite sure why.
When things were being published - nearly instantly sometimes - it was sufficient feedback in itself. Acceptance emails or other commentary isn't generally a feature of any of the three editors I submit to (although one responds to queries very helpfully). But if the piece in question is published, it's not particularly a problem.
The difficulty comes when submissions aren't being used.
Is it just not good enough?
Are there just too many other good articles?
Does the editor want to balance content? Authorship?
Have I done something to offend?!
It would appear I can discount #3 above as some journal issues have only articles by one author and/or on one subject.
Difficult to think of anything I might have done on #4.
And it's hard to see much difference in quality in what I've contributed which would rule out #1
I shall optimistically hope for #2 and see if the new year brings any change.
Perhaps I'm just overly sensitive as one of the submissions was my first attempt at a fully fledged adventure. All 7000 words of it, with pictures (and even a fake bibliography!). What's worse is that I sent it for comment to an acquaintance who I'd also sent some physical books to - and he seems to have dropped off the face of the planet!
It's interesting comparing the above with the world of haiku where editors are pretty good at the whole acceptance/rejection thing - so at least you know where you stand. On good days, you might even get commentary on why something was rejected which can be really useful.
Good feedback is exceedingly hard to do. Being critical but not demoralising is a fine line to tread and my hat's off to the editors who manage it.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Reminding last week of the staff restructuring (more interviews for junior positions today), I was reflecting on one bit of the process that I found encouraging.
I think I mentioned that the six faculty librarians had to take on six areas of special responsibility.
The 'process' called us for us each to express an interest in on of the areas and then if more than one of us wanted a role, we'd have to do formal applications.
With six very different strong personalities I could see this being an awful task and frankly I didn't think I had the energy to face a formal application procedure. So I floated the idea of us sitting around a table and seeing if we couldn't just agree to split the six jobs between us.
There was much harumphing and "it'll never work" and fears that weaker voices might be hassled into doing something they didn't want. A couple were up for it, but the others couldn't see it working. But I persisted in saying, at least let's try. Give it one hour and if we can't hash something out in that time, we're unlikely to. And if there's the slightest doubt from anyone, we do the formal applications.
A few days later, somewhat to my surprise, we did get together for an hour and even more to my surprise we managed to divide the six roles between us quite happily. All the worries folk had had that "so-and-so would be put out if I went for that" and so forth proved unfounded.
The Head was utterly astonished when we all put in an expression of interest for a different role! She had no idea we'd be able to come to any such arrangement!
I think I mentioned that the six faculty librarians had to take on six areas of special responsibility.
The 'process' called us for us each to express an interest in on of the areas and then if more than one of us wanted a role, we'd have to do formal applications.
With six very different strong personalities I could see this being an awful task and frankly I didn't think I had the energy to face a formal application procedure. So I floated the idea of us sitting around a table and seeing if we couldn't just agree to split the six jobs between us.
There was much harumphing and "it'll never work" and fears that weaker voices might be hassled into doing something they didn't want. A couple were up for it, but the others couldn't see it working. But I persisted in saying, at least let's try. Give it one hour and if we can't hash something out in that time, we're unlikely to. And if there's the slightest doubt from anyone, we do the formal applications.
A few days later, somewhat to my surprise, we did get together for an hour and even more to my surprise we managed to divide the six roles between us quite happily. All the worries folk had had that "so-and-so would be put out if I went for that" and so forth proved unfounded.
The Head was utterly astonished when we all put in an expression of interest for a different role! She had no idea we'd be able to come to any such arrangement!
Just a quick note to say that I've finally finished a "Promotions Plan" I was required produce as part of my new role. 6000 words and 23 pages, I'm relatively pleased with it although I've never written such a thing and couldn't find examples, so was struggling with what to 'aim at'.
One reason for it's delay - aside from the all the teaching and other things that hit at this time of year - was that I showed it to the business librarian (who's also responsible for the marketing subject area). She had some very cogent comments to make, but also made me wonder if I shouldn't scrap the whole thing and start over.
Anyway, I'm much happier now that it's off my desk and on my boss' desk.
One reason for it's delay - aside from the all the teaching and other things that hit at this time of year - was that I showed it to the business librarian (who's also responsible for the marketing subject area). She had some very cogent comments to make, but also made me wonder if I shouldn't scrap the whole thing and start over.
Anyway, I'm much happier now that it's off my desk and on my boss' desk.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Today was the university's annual conference they hold around this time of year.
This time on the theme of differentiatial teaching for students of differing abilities/needs.
I'm sure I remember the day being more of a day, but now it's a morning. Keynote address - which was so so - and then three slots with four choices each before gathering again for a close. And lunch.
The sessions I chose were a Library colleague doing her reading list thing. Packed room which was encouraging and a good talk/activity from our law librarian that really seemed to engage the academics. Key learning points: annotated reading lists get better engagement, listing out of print books that the Library doesn't have is next to useless (doh!), and of course actually supplying a reading list to the Library so that we can put them into our reading list software really helps students as it connects them with e-resources, the catalogue and the virtual learning environment.
Next up was a cute as a button Swiss academic telling us about teaching students of differing ability German. She had some great ideas and I wish I could have her as a tutor - quantity over quality; some great activities to get learners engaged and using language; an understanding of learner approaches and backgrounds (not one size fits all). Under her tutelage I reckon I'd now be able to speak German!
Finally, and perhaps the highlight, was an older academic and a blind student doing a double act on how they coped with the latter doing a computing degree. Lots of things we maybe already know - don't assume things, but also things counter to what we might be told - don't worry about using language like "let's see how this works..." etc. But what really impressed was when the student whipped out an iPod Touch and manipulated it as easily - perhaps more so - than a sighted person.
Didn't stay for lunch - pretty exhausted by then and never overly keen on the exotica we get fed. So I made the mistake of treating myself to bought sandwiches and chose some New York Deli that tasted awful! Serves me right.
This time on the theme of differentiatial teaching for students of differing abilities/needs.
I'm sure I remember the day being more of a day, but now it's a morning. Keynote address - which was so so - and then three slots with four choices each before gathering again for a close. And lunch.
The sessions I chose were a Library colleague doing her reading list thing. Packed room which was encouraging and a good talk/activity from our law librarian that really seemed to engage the academics. Key learning points: annotated reading lists get better engagement, listing out of print books that the Library doesn't have is next to useless (doh!), and of course actually supplying a reading list to the Library so that we can put them into our reading list software really helps students as it connects them with e-resources, the catalogue and the virtual learning environment.
Next up was a cute as a button Swiss academic telling us about teaching students of differing ability German. She had some great ideas and I wish I could have her as a tutor - quantity over quality; some great activities to get learners engaged and using language; an understanding of learner approaches and backgrounds (not one size fits all). Under her tutelage I reckon I'd now be able to speak German!
Finally, and perhaps the highlight, was an older academic and a blind student doing a double act on how they coped with the latter doing a computing degree. Lots of things we maybe already know - don't assume things, but also things counter to what we might be told - don't worry about using language like "let's see how this works..." etc. But what really impressed was when the student whipped out an iPod Touch and manipulated it as easily - perhaps more so - than a sighted person.
Didn't stay for lunch - pretty exhausted by then and never overly keen on the exotica we get fed. So I made the mistake of treating myself to bought sandwiches and chose some New York Deli that tasted awful! Serves me right.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Promotions
I mentioned yesterday that I have newly been given responsibility for promotions within the Library. It's delightfully complex. You may wish to skip this post.
Previously all the subject librarians have had 'watching briefs' for small areas to keep an eye on developments / needs / university provision etc to make sure the Library wasn't missing anything in how we could contribute. Thus, one colleague kept an eye on disability needs, one looked after our collaborative partners (libraries at other colleges where we run courses), and I kept an eye on work placement students.
Except that the latter didn't need much looking after. After all, they're by definition not here for the year of their placement. I made contact with the various placement offices around the university, subscribed to mailing lists or virtual learning environments they used, and liaised with them where necessary but it amounted to barely a few hours a year.
In the staff restructure we've been going through, each of the subject librarians has been given a 'portfolio' to manage. One manages all the enquiry desks and provision around the library, another manages the collection, and the growing disability needs are managed by a third. Six of us; six new duties that we're supposed to 'strategically manage' while another part of the restructuring has given us various levels of help.
We each have an assistant (one level below us) who spends much of the week on the enquiry desk but can devote a fair bit of time to implementing our strategy. Let's call him A. We then have a lower level assistant (2 or 3 steps down, depending how you count) who is supposed to do much of the legwork (on top of enquiry work and other duties). Let's call her B. (In fact the enquiry team has three of these people they have so much to deal with).
Then a new feature is some time from what are fast becoming called our 20%ers. Staff from the issue desk who are given to us for a day a week (20% of their time) to help out wherever necessary. This gives them some variety in an otherwise tedious job and us some help with low level jobs we need doing. We used to have to beg for this sort of help from a manager who was reluctant to let go because her team is often needy and short staffed, but now it's formal and a lot easier in some respects. I get 2.5 of these - on a Wednesday I get a whole person "C", Friday I get two part timers making a whole day "D" and "E", and Thursday afternoon I get one part timer for the half a day "F".
I've never had so many folk to manage.
Theoretically.
The snag is that B hasn't yet joined us from her old role - as I said the restructuring is still trickling down. In any case, she wants to go and work in a job in cataloging that's just become available. C, who was an invaluable help (clued up, quick off the mark and the only we have who can do a couple of vital jobs) has just been promoted and gone to help the Enquiry team as a level B type person. And A - who to be fair has been a kind of lieutenant where you couldn't wish for better in terms of seeing eye to eye with me and getting on with things - is about to retire.
So I now have a fair bit more work to do - although in theory it's only supposed to be strategic - and some really great help, but not all that's required. Or been promised.
And this on top of still not having my formal assistant (who I shared with the science librarian) back from the sideways moves she was being made to fill in for way back at the beginning of the restructuring over two years ago. Sigh.
On the upside, whether by chance or design, the 20%ers I was given have been marvellous. They all have an eye for design for posters and so forth, a clue about how to engage with students in eye-catching, interesting ways, and as I said, one is very into the Web 2 stuff we need to deal with. So that's been great. Well, not quite all. The half day person, "F", is not quite so pro-active and design minded. Very capable at being set a task with explicit instructions and working through it, but I do have to think harder about what jobs will be possible to pass on and how to encourage more ability with thinking in pictures! But it's good management experience.
I mentioned yesterday that I have newly been given responsibility for promotions within the Library. It's delightfully complex. You may wish to skip this post.
Previously all the subject librarians have had 'watching briefs' for small areas to keep an eye on developments / needs / university provision etc to make sure the Library wasn't missing anything in how we could contribute. Thus, one colleague kept an eye on disability needs, one looked after our collaborative partners (libraries at other colleges where we run courses), and I kept an eye on work placement students.
Except that the latter didn't need much looking after. After all, they're by definition not here for the year of their placement. I made contact with the various placement offices around the university, subscribed to mailing lists or virtual learning environments they used, and liaised with them where necessary but it amounted to barely a few hours a year.
In the staff restructure we've been going through, each of the subject librarians has been given a 'portfolio' to manage. One manages all the enquiry desks and provision around the library, another manages the collection, and the growing disability needs are managed by a third. Six of us; six new duties that we're supposed to 'strategically manage' while another part of the restructuring has given us various levels of help.
We each have an assistant (one level below us) who spends much of the week on the enquiry desk but can devote a fair bit of time to implementing our strategy. Let's call him A. We then have a lower level assistant (2 or 3 steps down, depending how you count) who is supposed to do much of the legwork (on top of enquiry work and other duties). Let's call her B. (In fact the enquiry team has three of these people they have so much to deal with).
Then a new feature is some time from what are fast becoming called our 20%ers. Staff from the issue desk who are given to us for a day a week (20% of their time) to help out wherever necessary. This gives them some variety in an otherwise tedious job and us some help with low level jobs we need doing. We used to have to beg for this sort of help from a manager who was reluctant to let go because her team is often needy and short staffed, but now it's formal and a lot easier in some respects. I get 2.5 of these - on a Wednesday I get a whole person "C", Friday I get two part timers making a whole day "D" and "E", and Thursday afternoon I get one part timer for the half a day "F".
I've never had so many folk to manage.
Theoretically.
The snag is that B hasn't yet joined us from her old role - as I said the restructuring is still trickling down. In any case, she wants to go and work in a job in cataloging that's just become available. C, who was an invaluable help (clued up, quick off the mark and the only we have who can do a couple of vital jobs) has just been promoted and gone to help the Enquiry team as a level B type person. And A - who to be fair has been a kind of lieutenant where you couldn't wish for better in terms of seeing eye to eye with me and getting on with things - is about to retire.
So I now have a fair bit more work to do - although in theory it's only supposed to be strategic - and some really great help, but not all that's required. Or been promised.
And this on top of still not having my formal assistant (who I shared with the science librarian) back from the sideways moves she was being made to fill in for way back at the beginning of the restructuring over two years ago. Sigh.
On the upside, whether by chance or design, the 20%ers I was given have been marvellous. They all have an eye for design for posters and so forth, a clue about how to engage with students in eye-catching, interesting ways, and as I said, one is very into the Web 2 stuff we need to deal with. So that's been great. Well, not quite all. The half day person, "F", is not quite so pro-active and design minded. Very capable at being set a task with explicit instructions and working through it, but I do have to think harder about what jobs will be possible to pass on and how to encourage more ability with thinking in pictures! But it's good management experience.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Oh dear...
... can it really have been six months - half a year - since I last posted?
I could blame increasing tiredness and increasing inability to keep up with the essentials in life - but I've not formally given up.
I could try playing catch up but I think I'd go mad.]
I suppose I might have written about the international math conference I was invited to speak at about iPad apps. That was a challenge. (The week before I'd spoken at an internal university conference on iPad apps, but that was more 'general' and how they might be used for teaching). With the mathematicians I dreaded stepping on their expertise or trying to demo a graphing calculator. But it went well enough.
I could have written about the ongoing saga of the staffing review which is *still* filtering its way through but that would be too depressing. I now have more work and less assistance than I did before. In any case, I shall probably yet come back to that.
I could perhaps have written about experiences on the iPad 2, or the next conference I'm due to attend which supplies one to all delegates who booked in time, but perhaps I'll cover that when it happens in January.
I could have written about my senior colleague - who looks after our institutional repository - who is rather surprised a paper that I wrote is in the top ten downloaded.
And I'm sure other stuff happened as well. If it comes to mind and seems relevant, I may yet make a note of it.
But I shall press on from fresh now. Like it or lump it. And don't hold your breath...
... can it really have been six months - half a year - since I last posted?
I could blame increasing tiredness and increasing inability to keep up with the essentials in life - but I've not formally given up.
I could try playing catch up but I think I'd go mad.]
I suppose I might have written about the international math conference I was invited to speak at about iPad apps. That was a challenge. (The week before I'd spoken at an internal university conference on iPad apps, but that was more 'general' and how they might be used for teaching). With the mathematicians I dreaded stepping on their expertise or trying to demo a graphing calculator. But it went well enough.
I could have written about the ongoing saga of the staffing review which is *still* filtering its way through but that would be too depressing. I now have more work and less assistance than I did before. In any case, I shall probably yet come back to that.
I could perhaps have written about experiences on the iPad 2, or the next conference I'm due to attend which supplies one to all delegates who booked in time, but perhaps I'll cover that when it happens in January.
I could have written about my senior colleague - who looks after our institutional repository - who is rather surprised a paper that I wrote is in the top ten downloaded.
And I'm sure other stuff happened as well. If it comes to mind and seems relevant, I may yet make a note of it.
But I shall press on from fresh now. Like it or lump it. And don't hold your breath...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
We've been going through a staffing review for what seems like eternity but I reckon is really around 18 months.
The process has been painfully slow and just when we thought it was about to end, we've reached the top to find it's not the true summit after all. The good news is that we don't have to apply for our own jobs which was one possible outcome, the bad news is it may be several months before everything is 'settled'.
Last week and this the various teams of the Library were gathered to hear the news and how it would relate to them. It's complicated but for the subject liaison team that I'm part of it means that each of the six Faculty Librarians will become responsible for their job and one of six special areas. In no particular order: research, promotion, collection development, enquiries, disability, and international/collaborative students. Each of us has to rank the six areas in an 'expression of interest'. Management then assign them if there's no conflice and we have to do written applications if there are. Some of the areas naturally match with what people have been doing till now, some don't. As you can imagine, the 'who wants what' rumors/worries/gossip/chat has caused no end of tension of late.
Meanwhile, our three assistant faculty librarians will be joined by three new assistant librarians and each of those six will have to express interest in supporting the faculty librarian and their 'area'. This means that an assitant faculty librarian could change subject specialism depending on who they end up supporting which has caused no end of tension of late. Worse still, they can't do that until management have sorted us lot.
To further complicate things there are then five slightly more junior posts which also support the above and have to be properly applied for by other library staff. Too many will want to too few positions. More tension. And worse still, they can't apply until the assitants above have been settled.
In other parts of the library there is stress over building type staff having to help at the issue desk, huge disappointment over the ending of overtime arrangements (worth, in some cases, a couple of thousand dollars a year) and 'weekend supervision' which allowed some junior members of the issue team to get some experience at a higher level.
Human resources are apparently satisfied with some of the oddities about library staffing that will disappear (too many types of contract, faculty librarians taking two year stints at 'team leading' and therefore appraising assistants, overtime, etc), but it would seem that as usual everything looks great on paper but forgets the human element of what it's actually like for real people.
The process has been painfully slow and just when we thought it was about to end, we've reached the top to find it's not the true summit after all. The good news is that we don't have to apply for our own jobs which was one possible outcome, the bad news is it may be several months before everything is 'settled'.
Last week and this the various teams of the Library were gathered to hear the news and how it would relate to them. It's complicated but for the subject liaison team that I'm part of it means that each of the six Faculty Librarians will become responsible for their job and one of six special areas. In no particular order: research, promotion, collection development, enquiries, disability, and international/collaborative students. Each of us has to rank the six areas in an 'expression of interest'. Management then assign them if there's no conflice and we have to do written applications if there are. Some of the areas naturally match with what people have been doing till now, some don't. As you can imagine, the 'who wants what' rumors/worries/gossip/chat has caused no end of tension of late.
Meanwhile, our three assistant faculty librarians will be joined by three new assistant librarians and each of those six will have to express interest in supporting the faculty librarian and their 'area'. This means that an assitant faculty librarian could change subject specialism depending on who they end up supporting which has caused no end of tension of late. Worse still, they can't do that until management have sorted us lot.
To further complicate things there are then five slightly more junior posts which also support the above and have to be properly applied for by other library staff. Too many will want to too few positions. More tension. And worse still, they can't apply until the assitants above have been settled.
In other parts of the library there is stress over building type staff having to help at the issue desk, huge disappointment over the ending of overtime arrangements (worth, in some cases, a couple of thousand dollars a year) and 'weekend supervision' which allowed some junior members of the issue team to get some experience at a higher level.
Human resources are apparently satisfied with some of the oddities about library staffing that will disappear (too many types of contract, faculty librarians taking two year stints at 'team leading' and therefore appraising assistants, overtime, etc), but it would seem that as usual everything looks great on paper but forgets the human element of what it's actually like for real people.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Recently I've been submitting things to an online journal. The Journal of the Travellers' Aid Society - with articles and reviews about the role-playing game Traveller (yes - spelt the English way). It's a prestigious "journal" for a hobby I've been interested in for 30 years or more and although it's no longer a printed periodical, it's been online now for more than a decade with a new issue every two weeks. I'd point you to it, but it's behind a paywall - indeed the first one I ever came across - so unless you want to fork out for a subscription, there's not much point. Not quite sure why I've never submitted anything before, but a number of things have come together which have really kick-started me.
Firstly, I have access to an iPad so I'm finally reading much more of the e-only game books that I possess. It's often colour, letter sized with complex layouts - so doesn't convert well into other e-readers. I could look it on the PC obviously, but I never particularly *wanted* to spend more time sitting up looking at the screen. The iPad handles such files so well, that is one of my primary reasons for liking the device so much.
Secondly, you may recall the enforced 'recharges' I have to take three times a day. I'm supposed to be relaxing and not thinking about work or other stresses so one way of resting is to escape into a fantasy future. It also whiles away tedious early hours of sleeplessness.
Thirdly, over the last couple of years I've been getting work related material published and gotten better at habits of seeing something I could write about, knuckling down to do the work, and struggling through the 'completer-finisher' tasks I so hate. But it's been good practice for not only a better understanding of the process and myself, but a motivation just to give it a go.
Anyway, it's resulted in the acceptance of some of my reviews of game books in three different places (two of which pay) and so I dared to try proper 'content'; rather than reviews and have had a couple of 'biographies' accepted as well as some adventure ideas. I must admit it's given me quite a buzz to both contribute to the universe that is Traveller and to see my name in the hallowed pages of JTAS.
I had an idea for another biography (not sure what to call a 2000 word description of an imaginary character) and meant to sit down and write something this weekend just gone past, thinking it might make it for the Tuesday publication date this morning. However, other things and tiredness intervened and I never got to it. But, I thought, last night, let's at least use the motivation I'd nearly mustered to get on with writing it now so it will be ready for next time.
Well, to cut a long story somewhat shorter, I got really into the
writing - even though it felt my brain was sweating sometimes at the harder chunks and I got it all done in one evening. The character statistics, the biography, the adventure possibilities. I even invented a bibliography for the person in question who was an author!
Much to my surprise I awoke this morning to find that never mind in two weeks time, they'd already published it in the issue that went live this morning. So it was well worth using the 'deadline' to beat my brains out with. On the other hand it also suggests that they're somewhat desperate for material - I'd better pull my finger out and do some more. But not as late in the day. Five hours and ten minutes from submission to publication though, must be some kind of record. It certainly suited my instant gratification needs!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Another Tuesday and the last of the clinics or whatever they're called.
It's only been five 2-hour sessions but even so there's a sense of sadness at saying farewell. Yes, we could keep in touch, but given the realities of how we're all struggling to cope with the basics, we're not kidding ourselves it's likely we'll manage to do so. The older lady who is very local to me has swapped phone numbers as she'd like to meet up in a month or so as a motivation to keep trying the half hour 'recharges' which she struggles with. But given she's a phone person and not on email and I'm just the opposite - it could be tricky!
The session itself covered thinking patterns and negativity. Without quite saying it was all a matter of 'thinking positive' we did touch on cognitive behavior therapy and looked at how destructive thought patterns can be a rut we need to break out of.
We also looked at where we were all were on a cycle of decline-boom/bust-acceptance-improving-steadystate and it was good to hear that most felt they were in the stages of just about accepting where they were or beginning to improve. Just myself and the biker who characterized ourselves as still declining.
We have a one-to-one follow up with the woman running the clinic in six weeks time, but that's it for the sessions - although we can still access the service for a year if need be. As they said, there is no magic pill, but the teaching element has been useful and meeting others in a similar situation has been both helpful and interesting.
I wish them all the best for the future.
It's only been five 2-hour sessions but even so there's a sense of sadness at saying farewell. Yes, we could keep in touch, but given the realities of how we're all struggling to cope with the basics, we're not kidding ourselves it's likely we'll manage to do so. The older lady who is very local to me has swapped phone numbers as she'd like to meet up in a month or so as a motivation to keep trying the half hour 'recharges' which she struggles with. But given she's a phone person and not on email and I'm just the opposite - it could be tricky!
The session itself covered thinking patterns and negativity. Without quite saying it was all a matter of 'thinking positive' we did touch on cognitive behavior therapy and looked at how destructive thought patterns can be a rut we need to break out of.
We also looked at where we were all were on a cycle of decline-boom/bust-acceptance-improving-steadystate and it was good to hear that most felt they were in the stages of just about accepting where they were or beginning to improve. Just myself and the biker who characterized ourselves as still declining.
We have a one-to-one follow up with the woman running the clinic in six weeks time, but that's it for the sessions - although we can still access the service for a year if need be. As they said, there is no magic pill, but the teaching element has been useful and meeting others in a similar situation has been both helpful and interesting.
I wish them all the best for the future.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Celestial mechanics mean that sometimes the planets 'line up' in ways that get the media going in frenzies of apocalyptic fears. I inhabit three rotas at my local church so I supposed I shouldn't be surprised when they 'line up' in an unusual conjunction. In fact, I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now.
Yesterday I was drumming at the 9.30 service, running the AV at the 11.10 service and then down to preach at the 6.30 service. (Though in fact, we're on a short series of really excellent John Ortberg teaching DVDs at present, so all I had to do was host the session and organize the discussion and follow up afterwards). Just to cap it all, there was an extended family get together for lunch and afternoon celebrating my brother's firstborn's first birthday (and my brother's new job). I couldn't really miss it!
More usually the rotas are just in conflict with each other so I have to arrange a swap or something. I can preach and drum (not simultaneously!) and even preach and run the AV, but I can't drum and run the AV. [1]
I'd seen this line up coming and thought about doing something about it. But inertia set in. Often it can be as much hassle to arrange a swap as just to somehow manage. And I've decided that this will be a 'last time' as I've come to the conclusion I must remove myself from at least two of the rotas. [2] Also, I knew there was Bank Holiday today so I could collapse.
But I can't help wonder if the other reason I didn't make the effort was because the other week when I was off for two days, the only "reason" that might have caused the blip was the fact that I'd happened to be drumming on the Sunday morning and had family round for my own birthday lunch later. I didn't think it was too much, but it was all I could point to. So this seemed the 'ultimate' test as it were. And in fact, although I've been very glad of today to sit and do nothing but read, I could have gone to work and don't feel too bad considering the stupidity of yesterday.
Now I know that this is hardly scientific and that CFS is exactly that variable so it's hard to determine anything about cause and effect and limitations and so on, but at least it means I don't have to fear either continuing to drum or having family around, or - rarely - both.
[1] Well, if I could find someone who knew how to connect an electronic drum pad to the PC, I reckon I could do both. Might not be wise, but would be interesting! I have the cable but can't persuade the bits of software to talk to each other.
[2] Which two is the interesting question!
Yesterday I was drumming at the 9.30 service, running the AV at the 11.10 service and then down to preach at the 6.30 service. (Though in fact, we're on a short series of really excellent John Ortberg teaching DVDs at present, so all I had to do was host the session and organize the discussion and follow up afterwards). Just to cap it all, there was an extended family get together for lunch and afternoon celebrating my brother's firstborn's first birthday (and my brother's new job). I couldn't really miss it!
More usually the rotas are just in conflict with each other so I have to arrange a swap or something. I can preach and drum (not simultaneously!) and even preach and run the AV, but I can't drum and run the AV. [1]
I'd seen this line up coming and thought about doing something about it. But inertia set in. Often it can be as much hassle to arrange a swap as just to somehow manage. And I've decided that this will be a 'last time' as I've come to the conclusion I must remove myself from at least two of the rotas. [2] Also, I knew there was Bank Holiday today so I could collapse.
But I can't help wonder if the other reason I didn't make the effort was because the other week when I was off for two days, the only "reason" that might have caused the blip was the fact that I'd happened to be drumming on the Sunday morning and had family round for my own birthday lunch later. I didn't think it was too much, but it was all I could point to. So this seemed the 'ultimate' test as it were. And in fact, although I've been very glad of today to sit and do nothing but read, I could have gone to work and don't feel too bad considering the stupidity of yesterday.
Now I know that this is hardly scientific and that CFS is exactly that variable so it's hard to determine anything about cause and effect and limitations and so on, but at least it means I don't have to fear either continuing to drum or having family around, or - rarely - both.
[1] Well, if I could find someone who knew how to connect an electronic drum pad to the PC, I reckon I could do both. Might not be wise, but would be interesting! I have the cable but can't persuade the bits of software to talk to each other.
[2] Which two is the interesting question!
Monday, May 23, 2011
I took a couple of days sick leave last week.
Not particularly unusual, except that these were the first days I've had sick, to the best of my recollection, where I could only blame the Chronic Fatigue and not something additional such as a cold/flu or upset stomach or something.
I basically found that my legs had turned to jelly as though I'd run a marathon or something and I couldn't walk any distance at all. It was disturbing enough but I thought a day's rest would see me right and I'd be back at work the next day. In fact I probably shouldn't have gone to work as soon as I did as even on the third day I was struggling.
I was also unprepared for the psychological effect of colleagues see the poor shape I was in.
As mysteriously as it had come, however, it seemed to clear up and I was back to my normal (low) level of ability.
Whether this was just a blip or the beginning of many such days is difficult to determine. I can hope for the former, but it's difficult to be hopeful.
What I'm aware I've not yet written about - you'll see why it's hard - is my experience over Easter.
I knew it was going to be a tough few days at the Christian get together for teaching and worship that my family's attended many times in the past. But I deliberately took it easy by doing the morning sessions from the chalet where they were piped through on the (small) TVs. I didn't join the family swims at lunch time every day. I didn't join the kids rampaging around the free funfair each afternoon. Basically I saved myself for the main evening event.
But by Day 3 I couldn't walk as far as the dining hall (just a couple of hundred yards) and so I spent all of Day 4 in the chalet. (My wife even fetched breakfast very kindly!) So on Day 5 we took advantage of the local hire shop and got a wheelchair for the day. At just $10 it seemed a good chance to give it a go without committing to much - plus the venue is very flat. Of course, this wasn't an easy decition to make and it was quite a wake up call for my wife who realized I was closer to the edge than I thought. I found it quite interesing in an intellectual sense going through the experience - from how I felt about it to how others reacted. But in general put it down to doing too much and something that resting the next few days would sort out.
And that seemed to be the case. Until last week.
Not particularly unusual, except that these were the first days I've had sick, to the best of my recollection, where I could only blame the Chronic Fatigue and not something additional such as a cold/flu or upset stomach or something.
I basically found that my legs had turned to jelly as though I'd run a marathon or something and I couldn't walk any distance at all. It was disturbing enough but I thought a day's rest would see me right and I'd be back at work the next day. In fact I probably shouldn't have gone to work as soon as I did as even on the third day I was struggling.
I was also unprepared for the psychological effect of colleagues see the poor shape I was in.
As mysteriously as it had come, however, it seemed to clear up and I was back to my normal (low) level of ability.
Whether this was just a blip or the beginning of many such days is difficult to determine. I can hope for the former, but it's difficult to be hopeful.
What I'm aware I've not yet written about - you'll see why it's hard - is my experience over Easter.
I knew it was going to be a tough few days at the Christian get together for teaching and worship that my family's attended many times in the past. But I deliberately took it easy by doing the morning sessions from the chalet where they were piped through on the (small) TVs. I didn't join the family swims at lunch time every day. I didn't join the kids rampaging around the free funfair each afternoon. Basically I saved myself for the main evening event.
But by Day 3 I couldn't walk as far as the dining hall (just a couple of hundred yards) and so I spent all of Day 4 in the chalet. (My wife even fetched breakfast very kindly!) So on Day 5 we took advantage of the local hire shop and got a wheelchair for the day. At just $10 it seemed a good chance to give it a go without committing to much - plus the venue is very flat. Of course, this wasn't an easy decition to make and it was quite a wake up call for my wife who realized I was closer to the edge than I thought. I found it quite interesing in an intellectual sense going through the experience - from how I felt about it to how others reacted. But in general put it down to doing too much and something that resting the next few days would sort out.
And that seemed to be the case. Until last week.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Another Tuesday meeting.
This one had someone who had been through the 'system' a year ago telling us about her experience with CFS. Bedridden at one point only 2 years ago or so, had to give up work (although working 70 hour weeks in a hospital - not surprising she got sick!).
Now managing something of a normal life using the 'management' techniques we're being told about although not "cured".
So, back to the recharges and pacing. Although if I really listened to her message I think I would have to take away "give up work now, *before* you get really bad, or it will take much longer to get better".
I *knew* that eventually I'd have give up work through decline in any case, I might be tempted to do it now. But of course it's never that easy.
Our clinician would argue that hopefully by putting into place the management techniques, that won't be necessary. But perhaps another day I'll summon the courage to tell you why I know that I'm close to the edge...
At least for this visit I was able to pick up one of the other people on the course who lives nearby. She'd fallen last night and was still feeling shaky enough that she was glad she didn't have to face the 40 minute drive.
This one had someone who had been through the 'system' a year ago telling us about her experience with CFS. Bedridden at one point only 2 years ago or so, had to give up work (although working 70 hour weeks in a hospital - not surprising she got sick!).
Now managing something of a normal life using the 'management' techniques we're being told about although not "cured".
So, back to the recharges and pacing. Although if I really listened to her message I think I would have to take away "give up work now, *before* you get really bad, or it will take much longer to get better".
I *knew* that eventually I'd have give up work through decline in any case, I might be tempted to do it now. But of course it's never that easy.
Our clinician would argue that hopefully by putting into place the management techniques, that won't be necessary. But perhaps another day I'll summon the courage to tell you why I know that I'm close to the edge...
At least for this visit I was able to pick up one of the other people on the course who lives nearby. She'd fallen last night and was still feeling shaky enough that she was glad she didn't have to face the 40 minute drive.
Monday, May 09, 2011
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
I know, I know. All my good intentions to blog more regularly seem to have failed me.
I'm particulary aware that I had planned to comment on the meeting I went to a fortnight ago. Today is the second one, and I'm leaving in a little over an hour so I now have a deadline to hit if I want to post before the event.
I must confess that the first meeting wasn't as painful as I'd expected. It was a more structured than I'd thought it might be for a start. The clinic nurse leading it took us though several flip charts across the two hours of information that to be honest was in the printed material we'd been given but kicked off various discussions amongst the 10 of us there. (One lady dropped out half way through feeling it wasn't for her.). And that was the real benefit of going I guess. Hearing other people's experiences and discovering that you're not alone in some of the odd symptoms that no one really 'gets' just from a description of how you're feeling. Perhaps 'discovering' isn't the right word in that sentence. Intellectually I'd known it was the case, but this was much more real.
We're a varied bunch as well. The ex-military guy in his biker gang jacket, the matriarch with a gentle smile, the mother-earth vegetarian marathon runner, the young girl who is sadly wheelchair bound on occasions although walking at present, a long-haired self-confessed layabout who uses humor as a defence mechanism. Apparently were unsual in having so many guys: 4 out of the ten. Normally, we were told, it is just one or at most two. And it was interesting seeing bits of behavior that I recognize so intimately. The guy with his own stash of tea bags and biscuits because of the diet he's trying, the girl who needed a blanket because she was feeling the cold so much, the lady who was uncertain she had the strength to be as 'social' as the meeting required.
It was good to share experience and as long as it doesn't turn into a moaning shop for our symptoms, then hopefully it will be useful. But there are no 'solutions', just better understanding and possible coping strategies. All of us, when asked to out post-its on the flip chart at the beginning about what we wanted from the session, had variations on 'healing' amongst other things.
I'm particulary aware that I had planned to comment on the meeting I went to a fortnight ago. Today is the second one, and I'm leaving in a little over an hour so I now have a deadline to hit if I want to post before the event.
I must confess that the first meeting wasn't as painful as I'd expected. It was a more structured than I'd thought it might be for a start. The clinic nurse leading it took us though several flip charts across the two hours of information that to be honest was in the printed material we'd been given but kicked off various discussions amongst the 10 of us there. (One lady dropped out half way through feeling it wasn't for her.). And that was the real benefit of going I guess. Hearing other people's experiences and discovering that you're not alone in some of the odd symptoms that no one really 'gets' just from a description of how you're feeling. Perhaps 'discovering' isn't the right word in that sentence. Intellectually I'd known it was the case, but this was much more real.
We're a varied bunch as well. The ex-military guy in his biker gang jacket, the matriarch with a gentle smile, the mother-earth vegetarian marathon runner, the young girl who is sadly wheelchair bound on occasions although walking at present, a long-haired self-confessed layabout who uses humor as a defence mechanism. Apparently were unsual in having so many guys: 4 out of the ten. Normally, we were told, it is just one or at most two. And it was interesting seeing bits of behavior that I recognize so intimately. The guy with his own stash of tea bags and biscuits because of the diet he's trying, the girl who needed a blanket because she was feeling the cold so much, the lady who was uncertain she had the strength to be as 'social' as the meeting required.
It was good to share experience and as long as it doesn't turn into a moaning shop for our symptoms, then hopefully it will be useful. But there are no 'solutions', just better understanding and possible coping strategies. All of us, when asked to out post-its on the flip chart at the beginning about what we wanted from the session, had variations on 'healing' amongst other things.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I presume the reason I'm wide awake at this time of night - despite going to bed at a good time utterly exhausted - is because of anticipation about the first of these 'group' sessions I'm due to attend.
Did I remember to confirm my attendance?
What will traffic be like getting there?
Will I be too tired to drive? (it's too far from public transport to try that)
Will I be able to get one of the very limited parking spaces?
Do I really want to meet new people and be sociable?
Will it be a stressful social event or quite relaxed and friendly?
Will it actually be of any value?
Well, will find out soon enough.
Did I remember to confirm my attendance?
What will traffic be like getting there?
Will I be too tired to drive? (it's too far from public transport to try that)
Will I be able to get one of the very limited parking spaces?
Do I really want to meet new people and be sociable?
Will it be a stressful social event or quite relaxed and friendly?
Will it actually be of any value?
Well, will find out soon enough.
Monday, March 21, 2011
One thing which I struggle with is the implication - or the outright suggestion - from some people I know that it's my fault I'm not well. I've over done it and if only I'd somehow done less I wouldn't now have CFS. I'm sure they're well meaning in their suggestions that I cut back on what I do - and I have been doing just that - but it's not as simple as that.
But I refuse to accept the blame in that fashion. Although I've never been one for sitting around not doing something, I don't think I was necessarily any busier than the next person. And I can be as idle as you like on occasions: a bit of tv in the evening, a lazy Sunday afternoon, a holiday with no definite activity planned for a day. On top of that I would take time out. Anything from not working on Sundays, to periodic annual leave days where I hadn't scheduled anything and might in winter enjoy a good read or in summer go and sit on a beach (and enjoy a good read!). I've even on a couple occasions taken myself off to a monastary for a five day retreat.
As I understand it, it's a genetic predisposition coupled with some form of 'trigger' - either a viral thing (doctors look at my year in Africa or two years in Asia as culprits, but I'm told it could as easily been something closer to home and as simple as 'flu or even a cold) or a stress related one (perhaps getting married, moving house and changing jobs in the same six months for example). Possibly both virus and stress combined.
But I refuse to take on myself the blame that some want to apportion.
But I refuse to accept the blame in that fashion. Although I've never been one for sitting around not doing something, I don't think I was necessarily any busier than the next person. And I can be as idle as you like on occasions: a bit of tv in the evening, a lazy Sunday afternoon, a holiday with no definite activity planned for a day. On top of that I would take time out. Anything from not working on Sundays, to periodic annual leave days where I hadn't scheduled anything and might in winter enjoy a good read or in summer go and sit on a beach (and enjoy a good read!). I've even on a couple occasions taken myself off to a monastary for a five day retreat.
As I understand it, it's a genetic predisposition coupled with some form of 'trigger' - either a viral thing (doctors look at my year in Africa or two years in Asia as culprits, but I'm told it could as easily been something closer to home and as simple as 'flu or even a cold) or a stress related one (perhaps getting married, moving house and changing jobs in the same six months for example). Possibly both virus and stress combined.
But I refuse to take on myself the blame that some want to apportion.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Back on the March 2nd I blogged about why it's hard to 'stop' for half an hour three times a day.
It's got no easier, but I've realized that I missed a fifth reason. Shame or embarrassment. Whenever I go for a 'stop' I always feel nakedly as if the eyes of other Library staff are on me. Judging me. Mentally berating me for slacking off.
It's not helped by the fact that I have to pass either the enquiry desk or the issue desk or both.
I'm sure it's largely in my head - although one junior colleague did once make a comment - but it's still something to deal with.
It's got no easier, but I've realized that I missed a fifth reason. Shame or embarrassment. Whenever I go for a 'stop' I always feel nakedly as if the eyes of other Library staff are on me. Judging me. Mentally berating me for slacking off.
It's not helped by the fact that I have to pass either the enquiry desk or the issue desk or both.
I'm sure it's largely in my head - although one junior colleague did once make a comment - but it's still something to deal with.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Now this is quite exciting.
For me at least where this is a first (and dare I suspect last?).
You may recall me blathering on about writing a book chapter last July (28th)
http://doosouth.blogspot.com/2010_07_01_archive.html
(does Blogger really not let me have a URL to just that post?)
I mentioned we got one free copy of the book between us but my colleague, quite fairly as the lead author, wants to keep it. So I thought I'd spend pretty much all the money I'm being paid on a second copy of the book.
Amazon have just delivered it and I can hold it in my hands for the first time. Very weird - very satisfying. Not only is there our chapter but there are two short paragraphs on 'future of ebooks' and a 'top tip' that appear later in the book. We're in a section that contains two other chapters and of course our chapter is 'introduced' with the others. But we also get a mention in the chapter before ours. (Fittingly, from the folk whose presentation I went to and who started the ball rolling for us).
I have actually read a chapter already and intend to read more. It's not
just going on my brag shelf! But what's a real relief is that my effort at looking ten years into the future isn't out of place with the other snippets. Because we had to submit that in a vacuum I had no idea if it would hold up to other contributions. But I think it works well. Ten years is a long time in the ebook world though, so I'm not expecting to be very accurate timewise!
For me at least where this is a first (and dare I suspect last?).
You may recall me blathering on about writing a book chapter last July (28th)
http://doosouth.blogspot.com/2010_07_01_archive.html
(does Blogger really not let me have a URL to just that post?)
I mentioned we got one free copy of the book between us but my colleague, quite fairly as the lead author, wants to keep it. So I thought I'd spend pretty much all the money I'm being paid on a second copy of the book.
Amazon have just delivered it and I can hold it in my hands for the first time. Very weird - very satisfying. Not only is there our chapter but there are two short paragraphs on 'future of ebooks' and a 'top tip' that appear later in the book. We're in a section that contains two other chapters and of course our chapter is 'introduced' with the others. But we also get a mention in the chapter before ours. (Fittingly, from the folk whose presentation I went to and who started the ball rolling for us).
I have actually read a chapter already and intend to read more. It's not
just going on my brag shelf! But what's a real relief is that my effort at looking ten years into the future isn't out of place with the other snippets. Because we had to submit that in a vacuum I had no idea if it would hold up to other contributions. But I think it works well. Ten years is a long time in the ebook world though, so I'm not expecting to be very accurate timewise!
Friday, March 04, 2011
While I'm really looking forward to the once a year Traveller (game) convention I'm off to, it's quite a journey and it's unfortunate that I start pretty exhausted from running a two hour workshop on Google for university staff (not to mention just getting my luggage here in the morning).
For a weekend that's mostly about sitting around you'd think it would be no trouble. Sadly not. I've already booked Monday off to recuperate and will be interested to see how it goes this year when I remember finding it tiring last year before I really started going downhill.
The other slight frustration, given it's a weekend all about the 'far future' is that I will almost uncertainly be unplugged from the internet for the duration. There is wifi at the hotel but I'm not prepared to pay $15 a day just to connect in the little free time there is! Call me mean.
For a weekend that's mostly about sitting around you'd think it would be no trouble. Sadly not. I've already booked Monday off to recuperate and will be interested to see how it goes this year when I remember finding it tiring last year before I really started going downhill.
The other slight frustration, given it's a weekend all about the 'far future' is that I will almost uncertainly be unplugged from the internet for the duration. There is wifi at the hotel but I'm not prepared to pay $15 a day just to connect in the little free time there is! Call me mean.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Nearly forgot to write about the two things that cheered up my dank Tuesday earlier in the week.
Firstly, the book chapter a colleague and I wrote a while back (surely I blogged about that) was published. It's in print only ironically given its about ebooks but you can see the contents page online. Looking forward to seeing it for real. My first professional book chapter. And I believe we get paid not a lot, but not nothing. $150 won't go far between the two of us.
Second thing was weird and fun.
Apparently it was International Hug a Librarian Day. Who makes this stuff up? Not that it was much in evidence where I was where there wasn't a hug to be had. However, a 100 miles down the road I saw a tweet from someone I've met once at a conference and she was after a hug too. I could only send a virtual one but a little later it occurred to me that I knew an educational technologist at the same university. And as I know her and family little better, thought she might be up for translating the virtual into real. And she was. Took them a day to meet up - but job done!
Firstly, the book chapter a colleague and I wrote a while back (surely I blogged about that) was published. It's in print only ironically given its about ebooks but you can see the contents page online. Looking forward to seeing it for real. My first professional book chapter. And I believe we get paid not a lot, but not nothing. $150 won't go far between the two of us.
Second thing was weird and fun.
Apparently it was International Hug a Librarian Day. Who makes this stuff up? Not that it was much in evidence where I was where there wasn't a hug to be had. However, a 100 miles down the road I saw a tweet from someone I've met once at a conference and she was after a hug too. I could only send a virtual one but a little later it occurred to me that I knew an educational technologist at the same university. And as I know her and family little better, thought she might be up for translating the virtual into real. And she was. Took them a day to meet up - but job done!
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
One thing I thought I might blog about is my enforced 'stops'.
While the clinic/doctor wasn't offering much in the way of a cure, one of their recommended strategies is to lie down three times a day for half an hour. Sitting with your head supported is allowed but as we aren't the type of Library to have nice old fashioned wingbacked chairs, lying is the only option.
It was quite a shock to realize that they meant at work, but worse was to come. You're not supposed to sleep for the half hour (although it's not critical if you do), but neither are you supposed to read or anything else. I'm supposed to relax and perhaps listen to waterfalls or oceans or something (fortunately I'd already stumbled across iPod apps with just that that I'd never found a use for until now). Now those who know me will know that I was left somewhat agape at that. But agreed to give it a go. I was told that others had found it helpful.
I've been shocked by just how hard I've found it.
Firstly there's the guilt that I should be working.
Secondly there's the stress of all the work I should be doing but I'm walking away from.
Third there's the difficulty of shutting out of my mind all that's racing around in it. [1]
Fourthly there's the logistics of managing to slot it into a busy diary.
Fortunately the library does actually have a 'sick room' with a bed. Well, a plastic covered mattress on a frame with a pillow of sorts. Not somewhere you'd actually choose to rest. The snag is that it's situated between the staff room and a w.c. It's remarkably hard to relax when I can hear on one side the chatter of colleagues I want to join or on the other side sounds I'd rather not think about!
Thinking back to my time at TheOldPlace where I'd found just such a hideyhole, I investigated an out of the way stairwell, that's really a fire escape route, and climbed to the very top of the building where there's a (locked) door out on to the roof. A nice little alcove there is utterly unvisited and dark and just the machinery noise to listen to. Perfect. The stone floor is improved by a blanket I've brought to work for the purpose which can also be used on the bed if I can't face the climb to the alcove or am really short on time (the sick room is much much closer).
What's surprising is that had I been put on drugs I'd have taken the medicine; had I been put on an exercise regime, I'd have struggled but got on with at as a discipline; had I been put on a difficult diet, I'd have bitten the bullet as it were and got on with it. I've done all of those before.
But this, this has been somehow different. Much harder.
And then I thought of the story of Naaman - you can read it in 2 Kings chapter 5 if you're interested: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%205&version=NASB
The short version is:
Naaman was an army commander of Aram neighbouring Israel, he had leprosy and a servant girl suggested he go to Elisha (a prophet of Israel) for healing.
Elisha recommends bathing in the River Jordan 7 times as a cure and Naaman is furious thinking the healing would be instant and anyway the rivers back home would have been better.
His servants point out that had he been asked to do some great thing he'd have done it without hesitation so why not give this a go? He does so and is cured.
And so, three times a day I lie down and do nothing. And try to think of nothing. Sometimes in my stairwell alcove; sometimes in the sickroom. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. I can't say I'm feeling 'better', in fact I seem to still be declining over all, but perhaps I'd feel worse without it, and in any case it's the advice I've received so I'm trying to get on with it as a discipline. But such an easy thing still remains remarkably hard.
[1] Square breathing was one recommendation: breath out for a count of three, hold for a count of three, breath in for a count of three, hold for a count of three and so on. I actually find this quite helpful.
While the clinic/doctor wasn't offering much in the way of a cure, one of their recommended strategies is to lie down three times a day for half an hour. Sitting with your head supported is allowed but as we aren't the type of Library to have nice old fashioned wingbacked chairs, lying is the only option.
It was quite a shock to realize that they meant at work, but worse was to come. You're not supposed to sleep for the half hour (although it's not critical if you do), but neither are you supposed to read or anything else. I'm supposed to relax and perhaps listen to waterfalls or oceans or something (fortunately I'd already stumbled across iPod apps with just that that I'd never found a use for until now). Now those who know me will know that I was left somewhat agape at that. But agreed to give it a go. I was told that others had found it helpful.
I've been shocked by just how hard I've found it.
Firstly there's the guilt that I should be working.
Secondly there's the stress of all the work I should be doing but I'm walking away from.
Third there's the difficulty of shutting out of my mind all that's racing around in it. [1]
Fourthly there's the logistics of managing to slot it into a busy diary.
Fortunately the library does actually have a 'sick room' with a bed. Well, a plastic covered mattress on a frame with a pillow of sorts. Not somewhere you'd actually choose to rest. The snag is that it's situated between the staff room and a w.c. It's remarkably hard to relax when I can hear on one side the chatter of colleagues I want to join or on the other side sounds I'd rather not think about!
Thinking back to my time at TheOldPlace where I'd found just such a hideyhole, I investigated an out of the way stairwell, that's really a fire escape route, and climbed to the very top of the building where there's a (locked) door out on to the roof. A nice little alcove there is utterly unvisited and dark and just the machinery noise to listen to. Perfect. The stone floor is improved by a blanket I've brought to work for the purpose which can also be used on the bed if I can't face the climb to the alcove or am really short on time (the sick room is much much closer).
What's surprising is that had I been put on drugs I'd have taken the medicine; had I been put on an exercise regime, I'd have struggled but got on with at as a discipline; had I been put on a difficult diet, I'd have bitten the bullet as it were and got on with it. I've done all of those before.
But this, this has been somehow different. Much harder.
And then I thought of the story of Naaman - you can read it in 2 Kings chapter 5 if you're interested: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%205&version=NASB
The short version is:
Naaman was an army commander of Aram neighbouring Israel, he had leprosy and a servant girl suggested he go to Elisha (a prophet of Israel) for healing.
Elisha recommends bathing in the River Jordan 7 times as a cure and Naaman is furious thinking the healing would be instant and anyway the rivers back home would have been better.
His servants point out that had he been asked to do some great thing he'd have done it without hesitation so why not give this a go? He does so and is cured.
And so, three times a day I lie down and do nothing. And try to think of nothing. Sometimes in my stairwell alcove; sometimes in the sickroom. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. I can't say I'm feeling 'better', in fact I seem to still be declining over all, but perhaps I'd feel worse without it, and in any case it's the advice I've received so I'm trying to get on with it as a discipline. But such an easy thing still remains remarkably hard.
[1] Square breathing was one recommendation: breath out for a count of three, hold for a count of three, breath in for a count of three, hold for a count of three and so on. I actually find this quite helpful.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
This is a good test for me.
And an interesting test of 'boundaries' all round.
The Science Faculty librarian asked if he could take, and I quote "the library ipad" with him on a road trip. Not back till Monday.
I've always known that I was getting the thing through attendance at the learning conference and that presumably it was a library ipad. But no one ever spelt out how that would work exactly. Particularly given that they do have to be tied to an iTunes account and quickly become tied to email, Twitter and a host of other things in quite a personal way.
I rather assumed that it would be 'mine' like the laptops we were given nigh on five years back - but then all those who wanted one got one, so it's not normally an issue to 'borrow' one. (Though I have once or twice borrowed the external optical drive of a colleague as I leave mine at home. Not the same thing!)
And so it's been until now. Although I've always said that if anyone wanted to have a play over lunchtime, or check out The Elements or Solar System apps (or any apps really) that they'd be welcome. Thinking minutes or an hour or two really! And the 'pass and play' Scrabble at lunchtimes with up to four of us has gone down really well.
But 6 days?! And 6 days knowing that he only really wants to check his Hotmail account he says? And 6 days knowing that his joking remark in the staff room that he was only borrowing it to wind me up, probably wasn't quite a joke?
But it might be good for me to be without for a bit. Remind myself of what I can (and can't) do via my iPod Touch. Find out what's *really* necessary!
I've made sure my calendar is up to date with Google, I've emailed myself any documents written only on the iPad (although I now know how to sync Papers with dropbox which is a nifty trick), and so on. But still... as one Twitter follower observed, they are quite personal devices now. No doubt Apple's intention so we'd all have to have our own rather than share. But I'd not realized just how much I've integrated into my life already. Diary, reading matter (color, letter sized PDFs are just great), twitter, email, games...
Ironically what I miss most so far is the discovery that I could use Brushes - with it's layers - as a way of creating fantasy world maps. I've long enjoyed this on paper but not had the tools to make electronic versions I could submit for publication. I'm looking forward to seeing if I can get something along these lines published.
Anyway, Mr Senior Colleague, I hope you're enjoying it and exploring some of it's capabilities! Safe traveling.
And an interesting test of 'boundaries' all round.
The Science Faculty librarian asked if he could take, and I quote "the library ipad" with him on a road trip. Not back till Monday.
I've always known that I was getting the thing through attendance at the learning conference and that presumably it was a library ipad. But no one ever spelt out how that would work exactly. Particularly given that they do have to be tied to an iTunes account and quickly become tied to email, Twitter and a host of other things in quite a personal way.
I rather assumed that it would be 'mine' like the laptops we were given nigh on five years back - but then all those who wanted one got one, so it's not normally an issue to 'borrow' one. (Though I have once or twice borrowed the external optical drive of a colleague as I leave mine at home. Not the same thing!)
And so it's been until now. Although I've always said that if anyone wanted to have a play over lunchtime, or check out The Elements or Solar System apps (or any apps really) that they'd be welcome. Thinking minutes or an hour or two really! And the 'pass and play' Scrabble at lunchtimes with up to four of us has gone down really well.
But 6 days?! And 6 days knowing that he only really wants to check his Hotmail account he says? And 6 days knowing that his joking remark in the staff room that he was only borrowing it to wind me up, probably wasn't quite a joke?
But it might be good for me to be without for a bit. Remind myself of what I can (and can't) do via my iPod Touch. Find out what's *really* necessary!
I've made sure my calendar is up to date with Google, I've emailed myself any documents written only on the iPad (although I now know how to sync Papers with dropbox which is a nifty trick), and so on. But still... as one Twitter follower observed, they are quite personal devices now. No doubt Apple's intention so we'd all have to have our own rather than share. But I'd not realized just how much I've integrated into my life already. Diary, reading matter (color, letter sized PDFs are just great), twitter, email, games...
Ironically what I miss most so far is the discovery that I could use Brushes - with it's layers - as a way of creating fantasy world maps. I've long enjoyed this on paper but not had the tools to make electronic versions I could submit for publication. I'm looking forward to seeing if I can get something along these lines published.
Anyway, Mr Senior Colleague, I hope you're enjoying it and exploring some of it's capabilities! Safe traveling.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Loved the Superbowl yesterday. Great game that wasn't (finally) decided until the last minute. I'm sure I remember a bunch of games in the 90s that were rather one sided, but the last few have been marvellous.
When I'm not fussed about either team I'll generally root for the underdog. Not sure who was the underdog this time, but as my flatmate at Uni supported the Steelers I cheered for them for old times' sakes. Shame they didn't quite manage it in the last seconds as they did a couple of years back.
When I'm not fussed about either team I'll generally root for the underdog. Not sure who was the underdog this time, but as my flatmate at Uni supported the Steelers I cheered for them for old times' sakes. Shame they didn't quite manage it in the last seconds as they did a couple of years back.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
I was going to post yesterday about one of those days when, for no very discernable reason, the aches had definitely upgraded to pain, a headache developed at lunchtime only got worse, and the ability to concentrate was about as low as it ever gets - working through a head of cotton wool isn't a bad description. But that was yesterday and just sounded like a downer.
Today's better although the concentration is still a battle.
However, I've just been looking at a job ad on the Uni web site. My boss, who was promoted last year to Head, is finally being replaced. Of course, I ought to be applying for this although in the past I've muttered about it being all of the dismal parts of my job and none of the fun parts (teaching students, buying new (interesting) books, exploring Web 2.0 things and so on).
There's nothing on the job description I wouldn't qualify for although it's slightly offputting that I know two colleagues are applying. (A kind of lose-lose: if you get the job you feel bad for them, if you don't get the job you feel bad for yourself.)
But in any case, I don't think I can rationally apply for it (never mind the energy - both physical, mental and emotional that it would take), given how much I feel I'm struggling right now. Or is that just being terribly negative and unambitious?
The other Associate post may come up in soonish in any case as its holder nears retirement. So I think on this occasion, I should make a decision to say 'no' for once.
Today's better although the concentration is still a battle.
However, I've just been looking at a job ad on the Uni web site. My boss, who was promoted last year to Head, is finally being replaced. Of course, I ought to be applying for this although in the past I've muttered about it being all of the dismal parts of my job and none of the fun parts (teaching students, buying new (interesting) books, exploring Web 2.0 things and so on).
There's nothing on the job description I wouldn't qualify for although it's slightly offputting that I know two colleagues are applying. (A kind of lose-lose: if you get the job you feel bad for them, if you don't get the job you feel bad for yourself.)
But in any case, I don't think I can rationally apply for it (never mind the energy - both physical, mental and emotional that it would take), given how much I feel I'm struggling right now. Or is that just being terribly negative and unambitious?
The other Associate post may come up in soonish in any case as its holder nears retirement. So I think on this occasion, I should make a decision to say 'no' for once.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Have decided to take the plunge.
Switch off now if a health based blog reciting symptoms, whinging and general depression is your idea of hell.
But it's official: the reason I've been feeling so s#!+ the last year or so is because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Or ME as it's sometimes called in the UK. Please excuse the language (or at least the typographical flamboyance) but on this occasion it seems both warranted and accurate. In fact it's difficult to find a word that adequately describes just how lousy, and how endlessly lousy, I feel.
Probably around November/December of 2009 I first noticed something wasn't quite right. Tried to remain in denial for a few months but it became increasingly obvious - my wife could see it in the way I'd sometimes walk - that I could no longer pretend. Eventually had an appointment with local doctor who ran every test she could think of to rule out everything else it could possibly be. But finally there seemed no escape and she referred me to a specialist unit. Funnily enough it's less than a stone's throw from TheOldPlace. It took an age for them to fit me in. Half a year - but the symptoms weren't going anywhere - in fact the continuing decline meant I could be sure it wasn't all in my head. Back in December I had a half hour on the phone to a nurse as a pre-screen. Today I had over an hour with the same nurse, a doctor and someone sitting in observing.
Went through all the symptoms again - the constant lethargy (that's the F for Fatigue), the muscle aches (sometimes pain, like now), the endless of it (that's the C for Chronic) the waking upfeeling like you've not slept, the memory issues - but notice no myalgic encephasomething or 'brain swelling' which is why ME is inaccurate. A bunch ofmothermstuff - i seem to exhibit most of what they look for except perhaps the arthritis like joint aches. Anyway, you can look it up on the web.
What you'll also find, as I did, and as I was told, is that there's no cure, only management. It could get better in time. As you can imagine, that plus it's unremitting nature don't just affect you physically but there's then an emotional and spiritual element. A triple whammy. Terrific.
I'm probably going to focus on how this relates to work, so it isn't perhaps too much of a jump for this blog. I did think about starting a new one, but have decided against it. It even seems moderately sensible to maintain the ambiguity of place and names as I suppose I can conceive of a future where it might not be advisable to have, say, a potential employer connecting the dots. I had luck with S today from TheOldPlace and I should thank her for helping me think through some of the issues. If anyone else wants to comment, please do although I'd ask you to do so with the care and anonymity you've shown in the past. (Or just email!)
Of course, I'm not the most diligent blogger in the first place, so that combined with the tiredness may mean that this goes into abeyance even more effectively than times past. On the other had I've saved a link to Blogger as an 'app' on the iPad so it should make it much more convenient to bother writing anything. It could go either way! In any case, you've been warned...
Switch off now if a health based blog reciting symptoms, whinging and general depression is your idea of hell.
But it's official: the reason I've been feeling so s#!+ the last year or so is because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Or ME as it's sometimes called in the UK. Please excuse the language (or at least the typographical flamboyance) but on this occasion it seems both warranted and accurate. In fact it's difficult to find a word that adequately describes just how lousy, and how endlessly lousy, I feel.
Probably around November/December of 2009 I first noticed something wasn't quite right. Tried to remain in denial for a few months but it became increasingly obvious - my wife could see it in the way I'd sometimes walk - that I could no longer pretend. Eventually had an appointment with local doctor who ran every test she could think of to rule out everything else it could possibly be. But finally there seemed no escape and she referred me to a specialist unit. Funnily enough it's less than a stone's throw from TheOldPlace. It took an age for them to fit me in. Half a year - but the symptoms weren't going anywhere - in fact the continuing decline meant I could be sure it wasn't all in my head. Back in December I had a half hour on the phone to a nurse as a pre-screen. Today I had over an hour with the same nurse, a doctor and someone sitting in observing.
Went through all the symptoms again - the constant lethargy (that's the F for Fatigue), the muscle aches (sometimes pain, like now), the endless of it (that's the C for Chronic) the waking upfeeling like you've not slept, the memory issues - but notice no myalgic encephasomething or 'brain swelling' which is why ME is inaccurate. A bunch ofmothermstuff - i seem to exhibit most of what they look for except perhaps the arthritis like joint aches. Anyway, you can look it up on the web.
What you'll also find, as I did, and as I was told, is that there's no cure, only management. It could get better in time. As you can imagine, that plus it's unremitting nature don't just affect you physically but there's then an emotional and spiritual element. A triple whammy. Terrific.
I'm probably going to focus on how this relates to work, so it isn't perhaps too much of a jump for this blog. I did think about starting a new one, but have decided against it. It even seems moderately sensible to maintain the ambiguity of place and names as I suppose I can conceive of a future where it might not be advisable to have, say, a potential employer connecting the dots. I had luck with S today from TheOldPlace and I should thank her for helping me think through some of the issues. If anyone else wants to comment, please do although I'd ask you to do so with the care and anonymity you've shown in the past. (Or just email!)
Of course, I'm not the most diligent blogger in the first place, so that combined with the tiredness may mean that this goes into abeyance even more effectively than times past. On the other had I've saved a link to Blogger as an 'app' on the iPad so it should make it much more convenient to bother writing anything. It could go either way! In any case, you've been warned...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Happy (very belated) new year. That's about where I'm up to in terms of keeping up. My appologies to those waiting for a post.
I've not gone away entirely.
BUT
Am seriously thinking about a change of direction for this blog. It's been nearly five years now since leaving TheOldPlace and I suspect I've had any mileage I'm going to get out of any comparisons of two different/similar workplaces.
Events are overtaking me in a way I hadn't expected, don't want and am not entirely sure I want to blog about. But it's becoming such a feature of life I can't really go on not mentioning it and actually have much to say. Or at least its beaming difficult to avoid. So I either give up blogging or inflict new ruminations on those who want to stay with it. Take your pick, you've been warned. I won't blame you for deciding now is time for a spring clean of one demand (little though it is) on your time.
I've not gone away entirely.
BUT
Am seriously thinking about a change of direction for this blog. It's been nearly five years now since leaving TheOldPlace and I suspect I've had any mileage I'm going to get out of any comparisons of two different/similar workplaces.
Events are overtaking me in a way I hadn't expected, don't want and am not entirely sure I want to blog about. But it's becoming such a feature of life I can't really go on not mentioning it and actually have much to say. Or at least its beaming difficult to avoid. So I either give up blogging or inflict new ruminations on those who want to stay with it. Take your pick, you've been warned. I won't blame you for deciding now is time for a spring clean of one demand (little though it is) on your time.
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