One thing which I struggle with is the implication - or the outright suggestion - from some people I know that it's my fault I'm not well. I've over done it and if only I'd somehow done less I wouldn't now have CFS. I'm sure they're well meaning in their suggestions that I cut back on what I do - and I have been doing just that - but it's not as simple as that.

But I refuse to accept the blame in that fashion. Although I've never been one for sitting around not doing something, I don't think I was necessarily any busier than the next person. And I can be as idle as you like on occasions: a bit of tv in the evening, a lazy Sunday afternoon, a holiday with no definite activity planned for a day. On top of that I would take time out. Anything from not working on Sundays, to periodic annual leave days where I hadn't scheduled anything and might in winter enjoy a good read or in summer go and sit on a beach (and enjoy a good read!). I've even on a couple occasions taken myself off to a monastary for a five day retreat.

As I understand it, it's a genetic predisposition coupled with some form of 'trigger' - either a viral thing (doctors look at my year in Africa or two years in Asia as culprits, but I'm told it could as easily been something closer to home and as simple as 'flu or even a cold) or a stress related one (perhaps getting married, moving house and changing jobs in the same six months for example). Possibly both virus and stress combined.

But I refuse to take on myself the blame that some want to apportion.