I know, I know. All my good intentions to blog more regularly seem to have failed me.
I'm particulary aware that I had planned to comment on the meeting I went to a fortnight ago. Today is the second one, and I'm leaving in a little over an hour so I now have a deadline to hit if I want to post before the event.
I must confess that the first meeting wasn't as painful as I'd expected. It was a more structured than I'd thought it might be for a start. The clinic nurse leading it took us though several flip charts across the two hours of information that to be honest was in the printed material we'd been given but kicked off various discussions amongst the 10 of us there. (One lady dropped out half way through feeling it wasn't for her.). And that was the real benefit of going I guess. Hearing other people's experiences and discovering that you're not alone in some of the odd symptoms that no one really 'gets' just from a description of how you're feeling. Perhaps 'discovering' isn't the right word in that sentence. Intellectually I'd known it was the case, but this was much more real.
We're a varied bunch as well. The ex-military guy in his biker gang jacket, the matriarch with a gentle smile, the mother-earth vegetarian marathon runner, the young girl who is sadly wheelchair bound on occasions although walking at present, a long-haired self-confessed layabout who uses humor as a defence mechanism. Apparently were unsual in having so many guys: 4 out of the ten. Normally, we were told, it is just one or at most two. And it was interesting seeing bits of behavior that I recognize so intimately. The guy with his own stash of tea bags and biscuits because of the diet he's trying, the girl who needed a blanket because she was feeling the cold so much, the lady who was uncertain she had the strength to be as 'social' as the meeting required.
It was good to share experience and as long as it doesn't turn into a moaning shop for our symptoms, then hopefully it will be useful. But there are no 'solutions', just better understanding and possible coping strategies. All of us, when asked to out post-its on the flip chart at the beginning about what we wanted from the session, had variations on 'healing' amongst other things.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
One thing I thought I might blog about is my enforced 'stops'.
While the clinic/doctor wasn't offering much in the way of a cure, one of their recommended strategies is to lie down three times a day for half an hour. Sitting with your head supported is allowed but as we aren't the type of Library to have nice old fashioned wingbacked chairs, lying is the only option.
It was quite a shock to realize that they meant at work, but worse was to come. You're not supposed to sleep for the half hour (although it's not critical if you do), but neither are you supposed to read or anything else. I'm supposed to relax and perhaps listen to waterfalls or oceans or something (fortunately I'd already stumbled across iPod apps with just that that I'd never found a use for until now). Now those who know me will know that I was left somewhat agape at that. But agreed to give it a go. I was told that others had found it helpful.
I've been shocked by just how hard I've found it.
Firstly there's the guilt that I should be working.
Secondly there's the stress of all the work I should be doing but I'm walking away from.
Third there's the difficulty of shutting out of my mind all that's racing around in it. [1]
Fourthly there's the logistics of managing to slot it into a busy diary.
Fortunately the library does actually have a 'sick room' with a bed. Well, a plastic covered mattress on a frame with a pillow of sorts. Not somewhere you'd actually choose to rest. The snag is that it's situated between the staff room and a w.c. It's remarkably hard to relax when I can hear on one side the chatter of colleagues I want to join or on the other side sounds I'd rather not think about!
Thinking back to my time at TheOldPlace where I'd found just such a hideyhole, I investigated an out of the way stairwell, that's really a fire escape route, and climbed to the very top of the building where there's a (locked) door out on to the roof. A nice little alcove there is utterly unvisited and dark and just the machinery noise to listen to. Perfect. The stone floor is improved by a blanket I've brought to work for the purpose which can also be used on the bed if I can't face the climb to the alcove or am really short on time (the sick room is much much closer).
What's surprising is that had I been put on drugs I'd have taken the medicine; had I been put on an exercise regime, I'd have struggled but got on with at as a discipline; had I been put on a difficult diet, I'd have bitten the bullet as it were and got on with it. I've done all of those before.
But this, this has been somehow different. Much harder.
And then I thought of the story of Naaman - you can read it in 2 Kings chapter 5 if you're interested: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%205&version=NASB
The short version is:
Naaman was an army commander of Aram neighbouring Israel, he had leprosy and a servant girl suggested he go to Elisha (a prophet of Israel) for healing.
Elisha recommends bathing in the River Jordan 7 times as a cure and Naaman is furious thinking the healing would be instant and anyway the rivers back home would have been better.
His servants point out that had he been asked to do some great thing he'd have done it without hesitation so why not give this a go? He does so and is cured.
And so, three times a day I lie down and do nothing. And try to think of nothing. Sometimes in my stairwell alcove; sometimes in the sickroom. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. I can't say I'm feeling 'better', in fact I seem to still be declining over all, but perhaps I'd feel worse without it, and in any case it's the advice I've received so I'm trying to get on with it as a discipline. But such an easy thing still remains remarkably hard.
[1] Square breathing was one recommendation: breath out for a count of three, hold for a count of three, breath in for a count of three, hold for a count of three and so on. I actually find this quite helpful.
While the clinic/doctor wasn't offering much in the way of a cure, one of their recommended strategies is to lie down three times a day for half an hour. Sitting with your head supported is allowed but as we aren't the type of Library to have nice old fashioned wingbacked chairs, lying is the only option.
It was quite a shock to realize that they meant at work, but worse was to come. You're not supposed to sleep for the half hour (although it's not critical if you do), but neither are you supposed to read or anything else. I'm supposed to relax and perhaps listen to waterfalls or oceans or something (fortunately I'd already stumbled across iPod apps with just that that I'd never found a use for until now). Now those who know me will know that I was left somewhat agape at that. But agreed to give it a go. I was told that others had found it helpful.
I've been shocked by just how hard I've found it.
Firstly there's the guilt that I should be working.
Secondly there's the stress of all the work I should be doing but I'm walking away from.
Third there's the difficulty of shutting out of my mind all that's racing around in it. [1]
Fourthly there's the logistics of managing to slot it into a busy diary.
Fortunately the library does actually have a 'sick room' with a bed. Well, a plastic covered mattress on a frame with a pillow of sorts. Not somewhere you'd actually choose to rest. The snag is that it's situated between the staff room and a w.c. It's remarkably hard to relax when I can hear on one side the chatter of colleagues I want to join or on the other side sounds I'd rather not think about!
Thinking back to my time at TheOldPlace where I'd found just such a hideyhole, I investigated an out of the way stairwell, that's really a fire escape route, and climbed to the very top of the building where there's a (locked) door out on to the roof. A nice little alcove there is utterly unvisited and dark and just the machinery noise to listen to. Perfect. The stone floor is improved by a blanket I've brought to work for the purpose which can also be used on the bed if I can't face the climb to the alcove or am really short on time (the sick room is much much closer).
What's surprising is that had I been put on drugs I'd have taken the medicine; had I been put on an exercise regime, I'd have struggled but got on with at as a discipline; had I been put on a difficult diet, I'd have bitten the bullet as it were and got on with it. I've done all of those before.
But this, this has been somehow different. Much harder.
And then I thought of the story of Naaman - you can read it in 2 Kings chapter 5 if you're interested: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%205&version=NASB
The short version is:
Naaman was an army commander of Aram neighbouring Israel, he had leprosy and a servant girl suggested he go to Elisha (a prophet of Israel) for healing.
Elisha recommends bathing in the River Jordan 7 times as a cure and Naaman is furious thinking the healing would be instant and anyway the rivers back home would have been better.
His servants point out that had he been asked to do some great thing he'd have done it without hesitation so why not give this a go? He does so and is cured.
And so, three times a day I lie down and do nothing. And try to think of nothing. Sometimes in my stairwell alcove; sometimes in the sickroom. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. I can't say I'm feeling 'better', in fact I seem to still be declining over all, but perhaps I'd feel worse without it, and in any case it's the advice I've received so I'm trying to get on with it as a discipline. But such an easy thing still remains remarkably hard.
[1] Square breathing was one recommendation: breath out for a count of three, hold for a count of three, breath in for a count of three, hold for a count of three and so on. I actually find this quite helpful.
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