Invited by the "sorry, but no" email to make an appointment (via phone) for feedback.

It's more stress but probably worth doing.

Just off the phone from 15 minutes at lunchtime and am somewhat encouraged by the comments I received from the Head. Words like "enthusiasm", "initiative led" "informed and thoughtful" might not be ones I'd automatically choose for myself but it's of interest to see what impression they're saying you've left on them.

Perhaps more to the point I was told that of the 'strong field', I made the last three and was in their final consideration. Beaten out, apparently, by someone with more experience firstly managing staff and secondly project management. (Though it raised the ugly head of my old query of how you get experience managing people if you can't get a job managing people and how you get a job managing people if you haven't got the experience...).

At least making the call gave me some sense of closure. And that I wasn't just there 'to make up numbers', or to fill in the formalities vs an internal candidate, or stretching too far, or asked out of curiosity about a neighbor even!

Well, if the purpose of this blog was to track the process of change it's going to be one of the shortest blogs ever.

Logged onto my email this morning and of a dozen or so messages one caught my eye immediately.

Head of the Library and chief interviewer writing to let me down gently and amongst talk of a 'strong field' and 'enjoyed meeting' etc, letting me know that they weren't going to appoint me.

Despite the odd sense on occasions yesterday of suspecting there would be some serious downsides to the job, it's still disappointing and hard on the heels of some difficult personal news last night leaves me feeling rather more wretched than I'd expected.

Here's where I regret telling colleagues I've even applied as it somehow seems to suggest both disloyalty that I applied and inadequacy that I've failed. And should I tell "everyone" rather than let it circulate as rumor?

Still, the email offered the opportunity of calling to get some feedback and I've arranged with the secretary I met yesterday a 1pm phone appointment. I might as well endeavor to learn what I can from the ordeal. Sorry, experience.

Done now. Ready for a drink and sit down.

Arrived in plenty of time and found a cafe to sit in for a while. Eventually presented myself at the Library with 15 minutes in hand. Noticed they had a list of six candidates. It must be a national standard or something.

Waiting outside their newly refurbished cafe, there were tables, computer stations and the kind of comfy chair our place seems completely unable to do. Someone else in a suit appeared and I could immediately guess he was another candidate even before he pulled out university logo headed paper. As he parked his anorak on the back of his chair and buried in his head in his papers, I was both glad I'd left my coat behind and out of the way as well as surprised at how relaxed I (almost) felt. Or was it just the sheer inadequacy of any preparation at this stage?

Barbara arrived to give me a 20 minute tour which was fine before ushering me into the workroom of the subject team I'd be working with. Five of them there (though one had to leave immediately) to sit and talk with and ask questions of. A useful and interesting addition to the process, though not without it's own stress.

Twenty minutes or more of that before being ushered into the secretary's workroom for a few minutes and then into the Head Librarian's office. Head librarian, deputy, subject group leader and an academic from faculty all on the panel. Each taking a block of questions, the whole thing lasting an hour. While hardly calm, I was reasonably relaxed and felt able to answer all their questions. Some perhaps more easily and coherently than others, but none felt as though they were a disaster. I probably did about as well as I was likely to do in the face of some difficult questions. If S's help on the form got me the interview, D's help with question practice certainly helped now.

Nothing more I can do now. Expect to hear as soon as they know the Head said. It only remained to locate - after a somewhat circuitous route - human resources and drop off the paper work they required and head back to work.

Now where's that drink?

Oh dear...

half an hour before it's time to go. Definitely on the adrenalin already.

Quick stop to check a couple of details and then time to go.

But shoes... bright idea to put new shoes on. They fit fine but for some reason rub the back of my ankle so badly I've had to revert to a rather elderly pair. Still, better that than limping all morning. (Or maybe that would play into the hands of disability employment quotas...)

Little things...

What a great way to spend Sunday afternoon: filling in a medical screening form and an asylum & immigration form.

I can see the point of both but the latter seems slightly overkill - requiring a passport for someone born and bred in the country.

The medical one is always a delight - that "how many days off in the last two years" always gives pause for thought (10 in four occurrences if anyone is asking). But the real pig of a question is having to list all your past employment - no mean task in itself - and then describe the hazards of each one. As there's no guidance on what constitutes a 'hazard' just how far to they mean you to go? Teaching at a secondary school in Africa - does being eaten by lion count? It wasn't impossible!

Oh well, done now, for better or worse.

Have spent a little time looking round their website. But I don't know if that's helpful or just winding me up further. I think it's time to stop. Not sleeping after about 4am these days anyway. That's not going to help either.

D very kindly went over possible interview questions with me over lunch. Very perceptive and challenging. Some I'd thought of, many I hadn't. Managed to feel about as nervous as I might in the real thing. OK, not that nervous. I hope it's helpful.

Mail this morning while rest of family were out... including an invitation to an interview on the 21st. Oh dear, what have I done now?! Better start gearing up for that now.

Kind of thought that I'd have heard by now - though my boss says they can be quite slow over such things. If they'd expect to tell you two weeks before interview, we're past that now.

Still, it would save the stress of an interview. I think my fragile ego can handle it!

Convinced by a colleague that I should do so, spoke to my boss today about the application. Some relief at that. It was taken in good humor and very supportively. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less.

Still feel somehow disloyal.