Have decided to take the plunge.

Switch off now if a health based blog reciting symptoms, whinging and general depression is your idea of hell.

But it's official: the reason I've been feeling so s#!+ the last year or so is because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Or ME as it's sometimes called in the UK. Please excuse the language (or at least the typographical flamboyance) but on this occasion it seems both warranted and accurate. In fact it's difficult to find a word that adequately describes just how lousy, and how endlessly lousy, I feel.

Probably around November/December of 2009 I first noticed something wasn't quite right. Tried to remain in denial for a few months but it became increasingly obvious - my wife could see it in the way I'd sometimes walk - that I could no longer pretend. Eventually had an appointment with local doctor who ran every test she could think of to rule out everything else it could possibly be. But finally there seemed no escape and she referred me to a specialist unit. Funnily enough it's less than a stone's throw from TheOldPlace. It took an age for them to fit me in. Half a year - but the symptoms weren't going anywhere - in fact the continuing decline meant I could be sure it wasn't all in my head. Back in December I had a half hour on the phone to a nurse as a pre-screen. Today I had over an hour with the same nurse, a doctor and someone sitting in observing.

Went through all the symptoms again - the constant lethargy (that's the F for Fatigue), the muscle aches (sometimes pain, like now), the endless of it (that's the C for Chronic) the waking upfeeling like you've not slept, the memory issues - but notice no myalgic encephasomething or 'brain swelling' which is why ME is inaccurate. A bunch ofmothermstuff - i seem to exhibit most of what they look for except perhaps the arthritis like joint aches. Anyway, you can look it up on the web.

What you'll also find, as I did, and as I was told, is that there's no cure, only management. It could get better in time. As you can imagine, that plus it's unremitting nature don't just affect you physically but there's then an emotional and spiritual element. A triple whammy. Terrific.

I'm probably going to focus on how this relates to work, so it isn't perhaps too much of a jump for this blog. I did think about starting a new one, but have decided against it. It even seems moderately sensible to maintain the ambiguity of place and names as I suppose I can conceive of a future where it might not be advisable to have, say, a potential employer connecting the dots. I had luck with S today from TheOldPlace and I should thank her for helping me think through some of the issues. If anyone else wants to comment, please do although I'd ask you to do so with the care and anonymity you've shown in the past. (Or just email!)

Of course, I'm not the most diligent blogger in the first place, so that combined with the tiredness may mean that this goes into abeyance even more effectively than times past. On the other had I've saved a link to Blogger as an 'app' on the iPad so it should make it much more convenient to bother writing anything. It could go either way! In any case, you've been warned...

Happy (very belated) new year. That's about where I'm up to in terms of keeping up. My appologies to those waiting for a post.

I've not gone away entirely.

BUT

Am seriously thinking about a change of direction for this blog. It's been nearly five years now since leaving TheOldPlace and I suspect I've had any mileage I'm going to get out of any comparisons of two different/similar workplaces.

Events are overtaking me in a way I hadn't expected, don't want and am not entirely sure I want to blog about. But it's becoming such a feature of life I can't really go on not mentioning it and actually have much to say. Or at least its beaming difficult to avoid. So I either give up blogging or inflict new ruminations on those who want to stay with it. Take your pick, you've been warned. I won't blame you for deciding now is time for a spring clean of one demand (little though it is) on your time.