Was I supposed to read something into the latest tip from a regular newsletter happening to be on 'embracing change'?

Not enough change in my life, huh? Just in case the prospect of changing job wasn't sufficient or ultimately falls through, the opportunity has arisen to if not to change job to at least change subject area here where I am.

Lots of pluses, lot of minuses.

Did someone really say a change is as good as a rest?

Stress about the presentation is on a steady upwards curve. Particularly as I shall be away all next week which really means it should be finished by the end of this week.

In the meantime I've confirmed my attendance at the interview. In addition, they'd requested a third reference. This is tricky as I've only had two professional posts. I can only really think of a character reference from a friend (if you're reading this: you've been warned!) or from the foreign head of a volunteer organization I worked for nearly two decades ago.

I'm not entirely clear how either would be especially useful for the particularly task at hand, but I did suggest they let me know what they did want if neither of those was suitable. I understand one reference has been taken up already.

Finally received the formal notification of the interview.

All well and good.

But the quickest way to destroy any peace of mind is to not just make it a half day process but also to request a 10 minute presentation on 'Higher Education: the challenges and opportunities'.

In many ways I guess I was fortunate NOT to have to do one the last time round, but recalling the severe stress of the only other time I've gone for a job at this level when I did have to give a presentation, I'm not looking forward to it.

Then, I was ushered into a room full of 20 or more people, whom I'd not met/seen before; just barely introduced and left to get on with it. I was hugely relieved I'd made a breakfast time decision to scrap my paper notes and transfer the whole thing to card as I was shaking so much I'd have been inaudible over the rustle of paper! It's not as if I'm not used to standing in front of people and opening my mouth, but for some reason - the pressure of the situation, the set up of the actual slot - it was possibly one of the most stressful presentations I've ever given. It certainly wasn't me at my most relaxed. Needless to say, I didn't get the job, though in a debrief I did learn it was nothing to do with the presentation and they would have liked me to have come back in 6 months for a similar job they knew was coming up. (At the risk of repeating myself, my home situation had changed and it wasn't possible.)

Perhaps I'm NOT fortunate to have not had a 'practice' at the last interview!

Ah well, I've booked the day off and I've started my mindmap on the subject already.

Today's the deadline for applications for the second job. I got the form in the mail on Wednesday so all it can do now is add to the general confusion over the two nearly identical jobs at the same time.

I think I mentioned before some of the differences in forms. A couple of absences I didn't note... (my this is an exciting blog, isn't it?). I've applied for jobs at this particular university on previous occasions. Back in the late 80s - although obviously they were at a much lower level. Never even got an interview. However, I do recall that the application forms they had then asked a couple of things that are no longer there. First they asked if I had any relatives working at the university. Second, they wanted applicants to list any previous jobs they'd applied for at the same place. (If they couldn't keep track of them, they expected me to?!)

Fortunately, given all those previous applications and having a sibling at the place (whose immediate excitement was where we might have lunch together!), either times have moved on and they don't need/want to ask the questions anymore. Or the different level of post doesn't require those questions. Or perhaps they're not allowed to under some new regulation.

Perhaps no surprise to discover that the form was indeed identical to the one I'd just sent off. No change in the identically named job specs/person specs/job description/job application however. Only this time two of them didn't even open for some reason! Fortunately the two critical ones did.

However, as I went through the form - or rather went through my previous application to reuse that - it became increasingly apparent that there was nothing to actually change. The two posts are so similar and so much cover exactly what I do now between them, that I'd generalized the specifics enough that it was impossible to change the wording on them to make any improvements.

The only actual revisions I made were to the job reference number (!), the dates I'd be unavailable for interview and to include on the continuing development list the fact that I (along with a colleague) have been invited to present a paper at a conference later in the year.

If not revising the application section makes me a bad person.... so be it...

I'm not handling with this well.

After once place rejects you and the other apparently isn't interested, I really had come round to the view that "it wasn't meant to be". Press on with what I'm doing and enjoy the upsides of it - plus the advantage of not having to face the change.

Now of course, that's all up in the air once more. Not surprising I'm developing a nice line in headaches.

Meanwhile, I've asked for the paperwork for the 2nd job but really need to be getting something in the mail today and haven't yet had it. Presumably it will be an identical form to the one I've already filled in and will only require an adjustment of subject emphasis. But it would be good to see the actual job/person spec rather than just taking a best guess.

'course there's always the possibility I suppose of driving down to deliver it by hand once again. Or prevailing upon sibling to deliver it if she's up for that. Or even try submitting the things electronically: not that they were inviting me to do that.

You wait ages for a blog entry and then three come along at once.

Well, that wasn't a long wait. Already had a call back from the 'Jane' in personnel to say that in actual fact I was being offered an interview (it'll be on the 12th of next month) and the reason for the delay was due to the illness of a member of staff. Which I guess is understandable - if somewhat irksome that they don't have a mechanism for coping with that.

Though it does raise the spectre of my current post where I went for a job interview a couple of weeks afterward the one for where I am now, and was offered that job but knew that I'd much prefer the first. Phoned them up with nothing to lose I felt, and ask what the situation was whereupon I got "oh, didn't anyone tell you you've been offered the job?" Ummm, no.

Still, personnel department malaise aside, I still think I was quite right in thinking the post was definitely the one I wanted out of the two. The other will always have to remain a path not taken.

Right, strike while the iron is hot. I'm sitting at the computer creating a blog entry so I've really no excuse for not searching the relevant site for the contact number I need to call.

Just off the phone to them and have discovered that, yes, the process really is that glacially slow. The woman in personnel said that the process had been delayed so it was possible I still might hear from them.

On the second job she said they kept them separate enough that it was certainly worth applying for the second one and in the meantime she'd chase the department to see what the situation was and why the delay. Though I don't suppose Easter getting in the way is likely to help.

I guess I'd better ratchet up my 'waiting' mode again.

Over three weeks now so I think I'd probably better accept that I'm not hearing from them down the road regarding the first job. They said interviews would be within a month which comes up this Friday.

I've tried phoning a few times to ask about the situation with regard to the nearly identical second job but they've either been engaged or not answering. I'll give them one more go this afternoon when I summon the courage to do it, but if that fails I guess I should just get on an try sending in another application.

I'm not entirely sure I can live with the constant low-level stress though. Not with everything else going in life at the same time.

Great! [potentially offensive language deleted] Great.

Now someone points out that the same university (admittedly undergoing some restructuring) is advertising for a job at the same level even closer subjectwise to my own.

What am I supposed to do now? Ignore it? Apply for that too? Leave it on the assumption that what happened at a previous job interview a year or four back happens again? (They knew at the first interview that an almost identical job would be coming up in 6 months time and invited me back for that). (Circumstances had changed at home, however, and that proved impossible. It will remain an interesting 'what if').

As an aside, that was the interview - when the internet was really just becoming ubiquitous - where on a tour of the facilities I was ushered into a room of people I'd have been working with/over and one bright young thing said something along the lines of: "oh yes, we've been looking at you on the internet". My heart leapt into my mouth as thoughts of what on earth would they be finding?! raced through my head. Nothing particularly startling or embarrassing I'm sure - but still a scary moment. Does make you a little more reticent about how public you make yourself on the web.

Two weeks since the deadline.

Apparently I'm supposed to be on edge and looking for the mailman. But I have to say that that's not happening. It's almost a relief not to hear.

But I fear that the answer's more prosaic in any case. Sources inside the place suggest that the pace of such things there are glacially slow. So I'm not wondering why I've not heard just yet. Been a little too busy (and unwell as well) to give it too much introspection anyway.

Does that mean I don't care?

I don't think so. Just that I'm avoiding putting too much emotional energy into it. Reserves are low enough at present as it is.